Look, we get it that you want to keep a hold on Ben White. We really do. I mean, which team wouldn’t? He’s a future England centre-back and, unlike Harry McGuire, is unlikely to get nicked whilst in Greece.

Yet, take a moment to see things from Leeds United’s view, please. We took your child, we nurtured him and encouraged him to grow. We gave him back to you as a player who you do not recognise. The Catholic scholar, later made a Saint, Ignatius of Loyola, is meant to have said: “Give me the child for the first seven years and I will give you the man.”

You, Brighton, gave us, Leeds, the child last summer. Marcelo Bielsa gave you the man back six years earlier that Ignatius of Loyola would have done. We grew attached to him, he grew to love us. Taking him back breaks that umbilical cord of closeness and that bond. That’s why he does not want a new contract – he’s turned three offers down.

That’s why we want him back. He has unfinished business at Elland Road and we have unfinished love with him. You kept casting him off, passing him to all and sundry on loan. That strains the bonds – bonds that we rebuilt. That’s why we offered you £25m because we care about him so much. You rejecting us isn’t petty.

That is though.

I mean we have thick skin at Leeds United. We can understand you being protective and closing ranks like Roman Legionaries hiding under their shield when storming some Durotrige stronghold. But imagine having a media blackout on a game against Portsmouth. Brighton won 3-0, by the way.

Unless, well unless you are hiding something. I mean, did Ben White play today? Just asking, for a friend, like.

Oh, and I hate seagulls because one once pooped on me in Canterbury and another nicked my ice cream in Cornwall last year. Nothing against Brighton though. Well, not just yet.

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